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Speak Less, Achieve More: The Psychology of Excessive talking

  • 10 mins read
  • Reading time:16 mins read

I have been pretty excited about writing this article (hopefully my sister reads it, cuz she needs to). So, today we’ll be unmasking the dark side of excessive talking, learning about the psychology behind it, how it’s problematic, and how to mitigate it.

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If you want to learn more about effective communication then I highly recommend you try “Crucial Conversations“, after you finish reading this article!

Let’s keep the intro short and dive right in.

The social overshare

Have you ever encountered someone who divulges their entire life story within minutes of meeting them? It’s like binge-watching a season of a TV show in one breath. This phenomenon is known as social oversharing, and it often stems from a deep-seated need for connection and validation.

The Psychology: When people overshare, they may believe that sharing personal information quickly will create a bond with others. This oversharing can be driven by a desire for acceptance, but it can also have the opposite effect, making others uncomfortable.

Why It’s Problematic: Oversharing can lead to social isolation. When others feel overwhelmed by someone’s personal disclosures, they might withdraw from the relationship to protect their own emotional boundaries.

How to Mitigate It: Encourage self-awareness. People who tend to overshare can benefit from pausing before sharing personal information. Encourage them to consider the appropriateness of their disclosures in different social contexts.

Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome

We’ve all experienced that cringe-worthy moment when we say something and immediately wish we could hit the rewind button. This phenomenon is often referred to as “Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome.” It occurs when people speak impulsively without considering the potential consequences of their words.

The Psychology: Foot-in-mouth moments often stem from a lack of impulse control. In the heat of the moment, individuals blurt out what’s on their minds without filtering their thoughts. This can be attributed to a desire for self-expression and a need to be heard.

Why It’s Problematic: Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome can lead to unintentional rudeness or even offensive comments. These verbal missteps can damage relationships, harm reputations, and create lingering discomfort between individuals.

How to Mitigate It: Encourage self-reflection. Individuals prone to Foot-in-Mouth moments can benefit from taking a moment to consider the impact of their words before speaking. Practicing active listening and empathy can also help them become more attuned to the feelings of others in conversation.

The Listener’s Dilemma

In a world filled with noise and constant chatter, being a good listener is akin to discovering a hidden treasure. However, those prone to excessive talking often face what can be termed as “The Listener’s Dilemma.”

The Psychology: Excessive talkers may believe that dominating conversations makes them more interesting or assertive. They might feel that sharing their thoughts is essential to garnering attention and approval.

Why It’s Problematic: The Listener’s Dilemma arises because constant talkers leave little room for others to express themselves. This can lead to feelings of frustration and isolation among those who interact with them. As a result, meaningful connections become challenging to establish.

How to Mitigate It: Encourage active listening. People prone to The Listener’s Dilemma can benefit from practicing the art of active listening, which involves giving full attention to the speaker and showing genuine interest in their words. They should aim to create a balance between speaking and listening, fostering better connections and more meaningful conversations.

The Perils of Miscommunication

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Excessive talking can lead to a significant challenge: miscommunication. This happens when the continuous flow of words dilutes the intended message, leading to misunderstandings, missed opportunities, and potential damage to relationships.

The Psychology: Miscommunication often arises from a lack of clarity. Those who talk excessively may assume that their message is crystal clear, but in reality, their words might become convoluted or lose their original meaning due to information overload.

Why It’s Problematic: Miscommunication can have far-reaching consequences. It can lead to frustration, confusion, and even conflict in both personal and professional relationships. In situations where precision and clarity are crucial, such as negotiations or important discussions, miscommunication can be particularly detrimental.

How to Mitigate It: Promote effective communication strategies. Encourage individuals to pause and assess whether their message is being understood as intended. Encourage them to ask for feedback and ensure that the recipient has grasped the key points. Active listening and paraphrasing can also help mitigate the perils of miscommunication.

The Energy Drain

Excessive talking can be surprisingly exhausting, both mentally and physically. This phenomenon is often referred to as “The Energy Drain.”

The Psychology: Constant talking can be driven by a desire to engage and connect with others. However, it can also be a way to fill silences and avoid moments of introspection or self-reflection. Talking may provide a temporary sense of validation and excitement.

Why It’s Problematic: The Energy Drain occurs when individuals expend an excessive amount of mental and physical energy on talking. This can lead to feelings of fatigue and burnout, reducing overall productivity and well-being.

How to Mitigate It: Encourage mindfulness and self-awareness. Those prone to The Energy Drain can benefit from periodically checking in with themselves to assess their energy levels. Encourage breaks and moments of quiet reflection to recharge. Additionally, practicing mindfulness techniques can help individuals become more aware of their energy expenditure during conversations.

Lost in Translation

The saying “lost in translation” takes on a new dimension when it comes to excessive talking. It highlights the challenge of aligning words with actions and maintaining consistency in communication.

The Psychology: Those who engage in constant chatter might struggle to uphold the promises and commitments they make during conversations. This is often due to the desire to please others in the moment, even if it means making unrealistic commitments.

Why It’s Problematic: When words don’t align with actions, trust and credibility erode. Others may become skeptical of the constant talker’s promises, leading to a loss of faith in their ability to follow through on commitments.

How to Mitigate It: Promote integrity and accountability. Encourage individuals to think before making commitments and to only promise what they genuinely intend to deliver. Emphasize the importance of aligning words with actions to build and maintain trust in personal and professional relationships.

The Listening Superpower

In a world where talking often takes the spotlight, being a great listener is a superpower that’s often underestimated.

The Psychology: People who prioritize talking excessively may believe that it’s a means of gaining attention and validation. However, the art of listening is equally, if not more, powerful. It’s driven by empathy and a genuine interest in others’ perspectives.

Why It’s Problematic: Neglecting the art of listening can lead to missed opportunities for understanding, empathy, and connection. It may result in shallow relationships and hinder personal growth by limiting exposure to diverse viewpoints.

How to Mitigate It: Emphasize the value of active listening. Encourage individuals to truly engage with others during conversations, showing empathy and a genuine interest in their words. Explain that becoming a better listener can lead to more profound connections and personal development.

The Mystery of Silence

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Silence, often overlooked in a world of constant chatter, holds a certain allure and power in communication.

The Psychology: Excessive talkers may fear silence because they associate it with awkwardness or a lack of control in a conversation. In contrast, silence can be captivating, creating space for curiosity and intrigue.

Why It’s Problematic: Avoiding silence at all costs can lead to superficial conversations and missed opportunities for deeper connections. The fear of silence can also create anxiety in social situations.

How to Mitigate It: Encourage embracing moments of silence. Explain that silence can be used strategically, allowing both parties to reflect and process information. Encourage individuals to see silence as an opportunity for deeper connection rather than an awkward void.

Mindful Communication

Mindful communication is a key aspect of balanced and effective interaction, especially for those prone to excessive talking.

The Psychology: Constant talkers may not always be mindful of their words and the impact they have on others. Mindful communication involves choosing words thoughtfully and considering the context and feelings of the listener.

Why It’s Problematic: Mindless chatter can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It may also hinder the building of meaningful relationships as it can come across as insensitivity or self-absorption.

How to Mitigate It: Promote the practice of mindful communication. Encourage individuals to pause and reflect on their words before speaking, especially in emotionally charged situations. Stress the importance of considering the impact of their words on others and the overall quality of their interactions.

The Power of Pauses

In the realm of conversation, the strategic use of pauses can be more impactful than the words themselves.

The Psychology: Those who engage in constant chatter may be hesitant to incorporate pauses into their speech. This might be due to a belief that continuous talking keeps others engaged. However, well-timed pauses can give weight to your words and allow the listener to absorb the message more effectively.

Why It’s Problematic: Neglecting the power of pauses can result in communication that feels rushed and overwhelming. It can also prevent the listener from fully grasping the significance of the message.

How to Mitigate It: Encourage the use of strategic pauses. Explain that pauses can enhance communication by allowing for emphasis, reflection, and comprehension. Encourage individuals to practice incorporating pauses into their speech, especially when delivering important messages.

Finding the Balance

The key to effective communication lies in finding the delicate balance between speaking and silence.

The Psychology: Some individuals prone to excessive talking may struggle with the idea of silence, fearing it will make them less engaging. However, striking a balance between sharing and silence is essential for meaningful communication.

Why It’s Problematic: Failing to find this balance can lead to one-sided conversations where others feel unheard or overwhelmed. It can hinder the development of relationships and prevent the speaker from fully appreciating the beauty of shared silence.

How to Mitigate It: Encourage conscious communication. Stress the importance of recognizing when to speak and when to allow space for silence in a conversation. Emphasize that meaningful connections are often built on the ability to find this balance and create moments of shared understanding.


So there you have it, the talking trap unveiled with all its intricacies. Remember, in the world of conversation, balance is key. Learning when to speak, when to listen, and when to embrace the power of silence can transform your interactions and relationships.

But don’t stop here! If you’re intrigued by the art of perception and self-presentation, check out my other article, “12 Things That Will Make You Look Richer Than You Really Are.” Discover the secrets to leaving a lasting impression and creating an aura of sophistication.

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